So at the weekend, I gave in after months and months of refusing to sort out hubby’s office, I did it. Mainly because my sister was there to help and also because since February when I turfed him out of the conservatory as I needed it as a temporary kitchen, he has had all his paperwork spread out over the bedroom floor. This has been infuriating me as clutter drives me mad.
Well after scrubbing cow shit off all the cupboard doors and my sister and daughter doing mountains of washing up we had it ready to put in the paperwork. All went well I lined up the files neatly, I made nice piles for hubby to sort and then I decided to tackle the box of crap he has been lumping from one farm to another for years. Easy peasy mostly, I threw it out! I did find a few articles from the farming press that hubby had featured in and got all proud. Then as I neared the back of one of his foolscap files I saw something I never ever thought I would!!!!!
Hidden behind all the years of out of date catalogues and leaflets were…………2 PORN MAGS!!!!! Well, I died. I went bright red and quickly shut the flap of the folder. My sister spun around at my gasp took one look at my face and cried “Whats wrong!!” I tell you I couldn’t speak I was just opening and closing my mouth like a fish. The youngest daughter was just looking at me which was making me even redder.
I slowly recovered and told my sister to look over my shoulder. She did and squealed, smacked her hand to her mouth, and said: “Whos are those!” Now we are not prudish about things like this in our marriage so I was quite confident when I replied: “I really don’t know, but it’s not something Calvin would read!” All this time the youngest daughter is still asking what the fuss is about.
It was mortifying!
So myself and my sister quickly scarpered out of the office telling the youngest daughter to stay where she is, and go and confront hubby while he is washing the units off in the parlour. Thank God the eldest daughter wasn’t there. There is no way she would have let us get away with running off and telling her nothing.
“Oi!” I say “What the hell are these!” All the time trying to be very serious and look pissed off at him. And I open the folder again and show him.
“Oh my god,” he says, “where are they from?”
You know sometimes when you look at someone and wonder whether they are grasping a conversation????
“I don’t know they are in your paperwork files!!!”
So he has a think and then remembers that a couple of years ago some of his workmates played a prank on an older bloke they worked with. They had put some magazines in his tractor. The boss nearly found them so they got hidden in the nearest box they could find. Turns out that box must have been the one I just emptied. I do think men come from a completely different planet.
Anyway, the mags are now in the fire and the office is a safe place for all again but remind me next time I refuse to do something to stick to it. It will take a while to recover from that shock!!!